No doubt about it, there is an illogical difference between the sexes. The older I get, the less informed I become about this matter.
I thought that I had a pretty good handle on the differences, but then something happens in life to  activate the  obligatory  shaking of the head.

So why are we so different! 

 

CONVERSATION

 

A woman comes in from her days activities and spends one hour and forty five minutes expressing how she felt about the injustices and inter

relationship of all those who she came in contact with in her day. This came about by the man saying “How was your day”.

The woman asks the man the same question and he replies “OK.”

 

CARS

 

Men look at a car and think:  

 

Engine extensively modified and enhanced 5700cc V8 engine with motor sport headers, extractors & modified performance exhaust system.  

 

Transmission:    Extensively modified and shift-kitted T56 6-speed manual gearbox

 

Differential:    Extensively modified and enhanced with HSV GTS 3.91 race diff ratio

 

Brakes:    6-pot & 4-pot racing callipers on premium 343mm slotted race rotors

 

Suspension:    Modified and lowered adjustable performance race suspension package

 

Alloys:    Advanti Racing 17 x 8 Photon alloys

 

Tyres:     Bridgestone 235/45/17 premium RE55S grooved race slicks (Dry) or

              Bridgestone 235/45/17 SO3, & Adrenalin premium performance tyres

 

Women look at a car and think:

 

Don’t like the colour, where do you put the shopping and you can.t fit the kids car seats in. Oh and how much!

 

Sure, there is a positive side of "celebrating the differences", but honestly, how different can you be and still be breathing?
Recently, I had a sortie into the bathroom for a shave. A simple enough task for any man. Don't you believe it! I moved three toilet bags,
cotton buds, cream for every possible ailment, hair fudge, hair mouse, hair dye, hair grips, hair clips, hair remover, hair restorer,  hair
volume-izer, hair conditioner, hair gel, hair lacquer and  a hair piece. Of  course NO BLADES! Oh, except for the old ones that had been
stored for leg duty, with the hairs still in them..... yuck!

I have decided to grow a beard, and celebrate the differences

Some more differences to celebrate:

GROCERIES:

A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his

fridge are half a lime and a coke. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the

checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the bar at last orders. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane,

and ignoring the “dead eye” he gets from all the woman at the other check outs!

SHOES:

When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Monde wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag

from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.

A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.

CATS:

Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

 

I think I have a pretty good idea of the differences between men and woman. Sure I KNOW  there are physical differences, between the sexes,
but I mean we are REALLY different in the way men and woman view life,

Over the years I have watched on as my wife and daughters leave my son and I bemused and confused in how the differences unfold.

Anyhow, here are some real differences I have noted:

NICKNAMES:

If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a Tetley’s, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Wally.

EATING OUT:

And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in a $20 note, even though the total is only $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. However, when the girls get their bill! Out come the pocket calculators.

BATHROOMS:

A man has five items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, bar of soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would in no way be able to identify most of these items.

MONEY:

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

ARGUMENTS:

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

(Editors note to married men: Forget your mistakes. There's no sense in two people remembering the same thing.)

Anyhow, stay tuned as I place myself in the dangerous waters of "Men and woman are different"

Ode to the telly,

Oh for the days when telly was pure,
the clangers, bill and Ben and Andy Pandy for sure.
When words like gay, sick and more,
related to feelings, not gender or lore.

Ena ran Corrie and Jack meadows the bill,
now we suffer Beavis on capitol hill.
Match of the day was Wednesday and Leeds
and the Dons stopped the traffic with championship deeds.

We were treated to skill, dexterity and merit
as Whiteley got free from a friendly old Ferret.
To be sure things have changed and some for the worse,
but its not quite as bad as been shipped in a Hurse.

My ode to the telly is now at an end,
so why not look back and smile now and then.
For our memories of Bill and his flowerpot men,
will help you to realise that time has flown by,
as most of us sit down to a night watching sky.

Then if you want (as boring it gets),
switch on the wireless and surf the net,
surf out some links, of u-tube and Bet
but be careful with Google and what you may get,
as pictures come flooding, "on the new" telly set.

Well, just when you think it cant get any worse, the murphy's law of interpretation blunders through the center of our life. The drain layers decided to dig up and build a footpath
after nineteen years of not having one, they decided to start during the greatest downpour this year. Yep thats right! Any logic went right out the window when this bunch turned up
headed by a space cadet with as much organisational skill as posh in K mart.

Soon as they had lifted the drains, they left due to being rained off! I rang the local council who told me they couldn't give me the contractors phone number or name
due to the privacy act, but they would relay my concerns to them and if they don't contact me direct, I can ring the council tomorrow.
"SATURDAY" I said! "You want me to believe that there will be someone in the council offices on SATURDAY", I said. "Yeah mate", he said! 'We have up to 18 staff
in the call center on a Saturday" "Well" I said, "here are Ten reasons why I know there wont be!"

1. The All Blacks are playing Tomorrow and NZ CLOSES DOWN
2. The Kiwis take on Alinghi in the Americas cup at 2am and NZ CLOSES DOWN
3. The National netball final is on as well and NZ CLOSES DOWN
4. The call centre is in BOMBAY and I am more likely to speak to Ranjit who will spend most of his time trying to convince me he is in Auckland (in broken English and Punjabi)
5. Drain layers don't think past  2.30pm  on a  Friday  afternoon ( in fact they don't THINK)
6. Drain layers don't wake up until 8am on Monday when they realise  they left their  digger  in  the clients driveway, blocking me and my family in ALL WEEKEND and I needed to get out as the drain layer CUT through my telephone cable in his hurry to get to the pub, as Gladys was lap dancing at 3pm
7. I tried to ring you this afternoon four times and at 2.00pm you had already switched the phone over to Ranjits house, and by pure fluke, the receptionist was so drunk from afternoon drinks, that she accidently forgot and answered the phone for one of the already over taxed ratepayers in this city, and got ME!
8. Big brothers house SPECIAL is clashing with SURVIVORS on Saturday, and council employees cant multi task
9. It says in big black letters "WORKS DEPARTMENT OFFICE HOURS ARE 9-5PM MONDAY TO FRIDAY"
10. "Why is the phone dead"? Hello, ya there?

I am an ex Donny lad living 400 k from Adelaide Australia, and it is the driest City on the driest continent . Rain for us is like dew from heaven, and all the tykes in Donny are presently.... well, blessed! When we had a storm recently, kangaroos floated down the main street and everyone drove their cars into the storm areas so they could give them a wash. (Its illegal to do so at the moment due to the water restrictions). So here are ten things to do in times of flooding.

1. Remember, Noah built the ark in a desert
2. Save on flushing the bog, as it might come back to haunt you
3. Give the washing machine a miss, just hang dirty stuff out
4. Set the goldfish free
5. Make room in the garage for the councils delivery of sand bags (they will be late)
6. Use the time wisely and place all unwanted mother in law gifts in the water damage area
7. Place the mother in law in the water damage area
8. Move house whilst mother in law is looking after your house and guarding the water damage area
9. If you think you've got it bad, think of all the ants nests that have gone
10. Thank God you didn't do that gardening the wife has been at you for weeks to do

Oh and look on the bright side, if this is summer what will winter bring?
CoachT