Ryan Air Cattle
I've got a couple of minutes before I fly back to the UK this afternoon from Dublin. I've been backwards and forwards here over the last four or five weeks and haven't had much time to write anything for the blog. Our flight is delayed twenty minutes and the airport have these nifty Internet Ports on the side of the wall. I've put my last couple of euros in and thought I'd write something.
All I can think of to say at the moment, having been a 'customer' of theirs ten or so times over the last month, Ryan Air are a bunch of.....
Published Date:
08/12/2006
Modified Date:
08/12/2006
Ryan Air Cattle
I've got a couple of minutes before I fly back to the UK this afternoon from Dublin. I've been backwards and forwards here over the last four or five weeks and haven't had much time to write anything for the blog. Our flight is delayed twenty minutes and the airport have these nifty Internet Ports on the side of the wall. I've put my last couple of euros in and thought I'd write something.
All I can think of to say at the moment, having been a 'customer' of theirs ten or so times over the last month, Ryan Air are a bunch of.....
Published Date:
08/12/2006
Modified Date:
08/12/2006
Cool Runnings
I've been trying to think of better ways to make money. I've been in the printing trade for over twenty five years so obviously I don't have two ha'pennies to rub together, and I've been wondering what other ventures I might try to make my millions.
Yesterday I think I found the answer. It was another glorious Sunday - blue skies, bright sunshine and a fresh breeze, and if you are anything like me, you're thinking to yourself, "This would be a great day to take the dog for a walk along the beach." But then again, if you're like me, you say to yourself, "Hang on, I don't have a dog."
Wouldn't it be great if you could own one just for days like yesterday - go romping up and down the beach a few times, and then give it back to someone else to look after all week while you're at work? But who would do that service? Dog creches? Cannine Boarding Schools? All too time consuming and costly. Then it hit me.
Freeze-dried dogs!
I could start up in business cryogenically freezing dogs during the week, then thaw them out on Friday in time for people to hire them out for the weekend. Brilliant! They go off for a health-giving walk Saturday and Sunday then I pop them back in the freezer on Monday. Why not? Korean restaurants have been doing it for years.
My Mum's got a huge chest freezer in the garage - I'm sure I could get a few Great Danes in there, but I'm sure your smaller breeds - the chihuahua for instance - could even freeze down in the ice-box compartment of an ordinary fridge. Job's a good 'un.
Of course I'd have to build up a stock of different breeds for the discerning dog-hiree. It could even become an online service where you select your dog-of-choice for the weekend. Think of it:
"What do you fancy this weekend dear? That labrador last weekend was a bit boring."
"Yes, I'm feeling in the mood for something more exciting. How about an Irish Wolfhound?"
I could even begin to cater for people who weren't fit enough for a full-on run along the beach by not quite thawing out their dog all the way, leaving it a little stiffer and slower for it's 'walkies'
I can't imagine why no-one's thought of it sooner. It's got to be an earner! What do you think?
Published Date:
30/10/2006
Modified Date:
30/10/2006
Colour Me Bad
Ever dyed your hair anyone? Let me re-phrase that:
Fellas, ever dyed your hair?
A couple of weeks ago I went with a group of mates up to Glentress near Peebles in Scotland for a wild weekend of mountain biking in some of the most exciting downhill trails in the country. We'd done this already earlier this year a couple of times (the previous trip up there had resulted in the Hippo falling off a technical section and breaking his wrist) so this time the group were looking forward to another great weekend of fun. Then someone suggested we all dye our hair a different colour beforehand. One guy did his brass blonde whilst the Hippo dyed his white (and promptly resembled Gunther off 'Friends'.) As a serious business professional I decided these high jinx were not for me, and plumped for a dark brown colour (doing my beard and eyebrows at the same time - and nearly suffocating on amonia fumes as well) The result?
It went purple. I looked like a startled smurf!
I spent the entire weekend in my riding helmet, only taking it off when I went to bed. Going back to work the following week meant I wasn't able to keep the helmet on, thus opening me up to ridicule from my workmates. After three days of constant ribbing I thought 'enough is enough' and on Wednesday night I decided to whack on a blonde tint over the top to get rid of the purple.
Another big mistake.
This time it went bright orange!! And I don't mean ginger, or brown, or even a little bit orange. I mean EXACTLY the shade of Tropicana Orange (without the bits in it). The following day at work my boss asked me to remove my biking helmet as it didn't go well with my suit. However when I took it off he laughed his sock off and said I'd probably be better putting it back on again.
If I wear my black and white stripy jumper I look a dead ringer for a belisha beacon.
I think I may have the whole lot shaved off this weekend.
Published Date:
06/10/2006
Modified Date:
06/10/2006
Food for Thought
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, not something I usually get too involved with, but it’s a situation that’s given me pause for thought. I started giving blood about seventeen years ago and I’m now up to around 50 pints or so. I always tell friends that there’s nothing to it and they should give it a go. Unless you have a real phobia about needles – and I’m aware that some people do suffer from this condition – then there really is little to worry or concern you. I also lose blood quite a lot on a Sunday morning falling off my mountain bike up in Dalby forest, and let me tell you, that is FAR more painful than giving blood in the normal way.
Anyway about the same time as I started donating, I put my name down on the register at the Anthony Nolan Trust for a possible bone marrow donation. Now I’ve had a letter from them saying I could be a potential match for a stem cell/bone marrow transplant. They sent along a full description of what is needed, how it’s done and what the chances are for a successful transplant. This is usually done for people suffering from leukaemia or aplastic anaemia.
The procedure begins with more detailed tissue typing where white blood cells from the donor are mixed with those of the patient and growing them in a culture. The degree of reactivity between the cells is measured, and a low level of reactivity is what they’re looking for as it gives an indication of what may happen to the patient if the transplant goes ahead.
They can now take the bone marrow from you and this can now be done in one of two ways. The new system is to take it from your normal blood stream, also called the peripheral blood, and is instead of going through the whole marrow extract. To do this, they have to administer a course of injections of a growth factor for five days to encourage the stem cells to move out from the bone marrow into the circulating blood stream. The samples are then taken much in the same way you normally give a blood donation, although needles are put into both arms and it takes four to five hours to carry out the procedure and may have to be repeated the following day if the first proves unsuccessful. This process is called apheresis. The other, more traditional way, is for the bone marrow to be extracted under general anaesthetic from the pelvic bone using needle and syringe.
The area I’m struggling with though is the chances of a successful transplant. It is still only a chance of a cure and by no means gives any certainty of survival for the patient. In the worst cases a poor risk patient has only a 20% chance of survival, rising to between 40% and 60% for good risk patients. That said, from the 329 such operations performed worldwide last year the Anthony Nolan Trust say steady progress in this field is being made.
I’ve talked the whole thing over with my mum and a couple of mates and the only thing I can relate to in all of it is that, having a daughter myself and thinking what the parents of a patient must have to go through, it’s got to be worth going for.
Published Date:
21/09/2006
Modified Date:
21/09/2006
SAGA Holidays In The Sun
...as Johnny Rotten would have called it.
I've just got back from a last minute holiday deal in Majorca - it cost slightly less than my weekly shopping bill at Tesco's! How do they do it so cheaply? Mind you there were certain drawbacks - we didn't get a meal on the plane, we weren't allowed to use the toilets, we were forbidden to speak during the flight and we weren't allowed any hand luggage. Oh, and we got severly told off for not paying full attention during the pre-flight safety announcement. Apparently we should have been writing everything down, not just listen intently to everything the airhostess said. Aren't they getting bolshy nowadays? It's like being back at school. I got screamed at for pulling down the window blind to try and get some sleep!
When we got to the resort (a €50 cab ride from the airport making me begin to realise why the holiday was so cheap) and checked into the hotel they explained the amenities but informed us the bar was closed down due to lack of business from their guests. What? WHAT?? There must be some mistake surely? I said we'd give them enough business over the week for them to afford additional bar maids, a guest pianist and flashing neon signs, but they were having none of it. I managed to make it to our room before bursting into tears.
The upside was we wandered over to the really plush hotel next door and ordered a couple of pints of pina coladas. When I reached for my money to pay the barmaid just walked away. Ah, I thought, it's one of those bars where they build up your tab and you pay at the end. We noticed however that everyone else just got their drinks and wandered off, and suddenely realised it was one of those Sandals-type exclusive hotels with all-inclusive drinks! Everyone was wearing a coloured wrist band to indicate they were staying at the hotel and they'd mistakenly thought my Lance Armstrong 'Live Strong' wrist band put me in the same category. Result!
I was very temporarily overcome with guilt. Luckily this only lasted for as long as it took me to down my pina colada and order a further fourteen!
Back at the hotel we met some of our fellow guests - they were all in their late hundreds - this was obviously a top SAGA location. One woman by the pool looked like a Shar-Pei in a bikini. Not a pleasant sight. One thing we found though was that you would always get down to the pool first to place your towel on a sunbed. We sometimes tried to make it interesting by letting them have a ten minute head start whilst we lounged around over breakfast before nipping out passed them. You needed a freeze-frame camera to actually catch them in motion! It was like being in an episode of 'The Magic Boomerang'! Ah well, it comes to us all eventually.
Published Date:
13/09/2006
Modified Date:
13/09/2006
Cows with regional accents!
I'm sorry i can't write about this just now. I'm too busy laughing at the thought
Published Date:
23/08/2006
Modified Date:
23/08/2006
Lame Excuse
So I must apologise to all my readers for not writing anything for nearly three weeks - you must both be very upset. I have a really good reason however for not doing so - my Dell computer burst into flames whilst I was busy penning some literary nonsense. I put this down to the speed that I type at (120 words per week) but it turns out it's a design fault and the manufacturers are recalling the batteries from 4,000,000 computers. What a nightmare!
When my laptop began fizzing and crackling I tried pressing the escape key but found to my surprise that I was still sat in the lounge (I'd expected to be transported directly to Dell's IT department safe house) - so it was up to me to solve the problem. I sprang into action and emptied my bottle of Stella over the computer. This seemed to calm it down a bit (the first couple of stellas always have that effect. It's the ninth or tenth bottles that really get you rocking!) but then it went into meltdown and welded itself to the table top, glaring up at me and bubbling in a plasticky kind of way.
I'm now going to send my computer battery back to Dell once I can find a box large enough to hold the battery, what remains of the computer and half an Ikea table!
Published Date:
16/08/2006
Modified Date:
16/08/2006