OK, hands up who thought a Luffa was an animal then, I did, a sort of sea cucumber thing roving the seabed in a menacing fashion. The reality is . . It’s a plant, and I’m growing one, why, because I can scare the neighbours with it.

I had a threesome in the garden the other day, me, two pumpkin flowers and a lollipop stick! Now there’s no need to be embarrassed, it was all above board and no money changed hands, just pollen.

I’ve got a problem with wind. It keeps trying to blow my sunflowers over; you’d think at over seven foot tall they could stand up for themselves, wimps.

I only have the one but isn’t it a beauty, it’s called ‘Temptation’, the plant not the strawberry itself, not that I give my plants names, well, apart from Nigel the Naga Chilli, or Bruce the potato and the two peanut plants. (Golden and Wonder).

After a false start June has brought on a spurt of growth (lovely girl June) and the garden may be fruitful this year, the Rhubarb is rampant, my Lemon Tomatoes are bushy and the celery is . . . celery like.

I planted some sunflowers just for the fun of it and already their taller than me (OK, most things are taller than me I know) but they act like little satellite dishes tracking the sun throughout the day, I confuse them at night with a torch because I’m a bit cruel that way.

The big advantage is that the snails get out of breath halfway up and give up, bless.

Topsy Turvy

No, not the name of a children’s cartoon character, but rather the position one of my plants has found its self in, for I have decided to grow it upside down.

‘That’s stupid’ many people say (often as I walk by but that’s beside the point), but I’m no ordinary gardener in fact ‘gardener’ is pushing it a bit.

My inspiration came from couple of pictures sent to me by a friend in Arkansas which showed his chilli plants suspended in plastic milk bottles and that set me thinking . . . and doing. Check out my pictures here - http://canieatit.co.uk/projects/hanginggarden/hanging.htm

With summer fast approaching the air is filled with the smell of cut grass and the sound of last years rusted barbeque being broken up. Garden centres filling the shelves with our good intensions that never quite look like the picture on the packet, oh yes, summers on its way.

My tiny Worthing back garden will soon be a riot of adventure, window sill seedlings are finding their way outside, often to meet their maker but some will survive the onslaught of my personal neglect, frost, cats and the occasional passing fox, watch over the coming weeks with amazement at my Tomatillo’s , laugh at my luffa, poke fun at my mini melons, titter at the titty fruit (yes, that’s what its called – Google it). Enough for now, I’m off to buy a slug hammer.

Rhubarb Rhubarb Rhubarb as the phrase goes. My latest garden project was to make a dog loo which worked (stop laughing) I just need to train it to flush. I was wondering around Roundstone Garden Centre as one does trying to not look like a shop lifter or is that just me! When I spotted some small pots of rhubarb going cheap (there’s a joke there somewhere) I’ve not had rhubarb and custard since I was at school and I seem to remember the difference between the custard and gravy was the colour, the consistency was identical as was its ability to cling to the plate.

Rhubarb is easy to grow, the internet told me that and it never lies and it has massive leaves which can hide a multitude of gardening sins and small children. I spent a good couple of hours building a raised bed planting box (pictures here) a few days ago and looked forward planting the rhubarb when we were struck by high winds and rain and so they stayed on the kitchen window sill but it’s growing at a rate of half an inch a day which is more than my overdraft.

Check out the current state of my growing experiments at www.canieatit.com

Now I’m not stupid (there’s no need to vote on it) but even I know the seed stays in the ground and the shoot goes upward, but you try telling Mr Custard Apple here, acrobatics seems to be the order of the day or perhaps I planted it upside-down.

To be honest it shouldn’t be growing at all, I found it in a supermarket, a fruit called a custard apple and I thought who would be stupid enough to buy that (enough said). I needed to know if it tasted of custard and I’m not going to tell you but I planted the seeds.

I’ve started off some lemon tomatoes, they look like lemons as in yellow and lemon shaped but are still tomatoes which will confuse the hell out of the children hopefully. The sweet corn is about 5 inches high but I’m hiding it in case the jolly green giant comes around. Tobacco plant two is almost three foot high but no sign of fag packet buds yet and the super hot chilli is refusing to say hello.

I found a use for some old floorboards in the garden, I’ve built a sort of large planting box but I’m sure the neighbours think it was a coffin so I’ve asked the wife to keep out of sight for a few days to see what happens.

See for yourself at www.canieatit.co.uk

A Worthing web site

It’s called ‘Thing’ for one reason, I don’t know what it is and it’s spouting. I’ve moved the children to a safe place and retired to a distance away.

Some time last year we tried different fruits from the supermarkets with a preference for ugly ones (we seem to attract each other, heavens knows why) and in one case planted the stone like seed and spent a great deal of time ignoring it in ‘No Hope Corner’ on the kitchen window sill.

Today I decided to throw it away and peeked under the cling film just out of curiosity and expecting a mouldy lump and was none to surprise to see . . . a mouldy lump but . . . it had grown a limb.

‘Can I Eat it’, like the profusion of daffodils sprouting out hither and thither I’ve started the garden challenge up again, a spade, a pot and a whole sack of neglect is at hand, I’ve even bought a check shirt to look the part.

On the menu so far, Nega, the world’s hottest chilli, rescued supermarket strawberries, bell peppers, twig, tobacco and of course. . ‘Thing’ and that’s just the start, I’ve stacks more stuff to kill, I mean nurture in my special way.

Dead but not forgotten . . . er . . no actually

Can I Eat It II (The sequel) will be starting around March 2008 featuring lots of new stuff to kill, I mean grow. (The old one’s here) I passed my time this winter tasting different bars of chocolate (someone has to do it) and started a Home-Brew Porter Beer from a shop bought kit which annoyingly isn’t ready yet. I helped my daughter start a dog walking service locally and . . . that’s about it. Winter seems to be an internal thing for me, now, where shall I bury that turkey?

Yes I know it looks like a prawn but there are definite overtones of carrot here. The carrots were late starters, like a reluctant swimmer dipping a toe in the pool this carrot thought better of rooting down and decided going off at a tangent was a better option.

I’ve got another nine left to examine but I’m managing to hold off the temptation just in case I get one that looks like some holy relic that I can sell on Ebay for a small fortune.

I’d like to say that the tomatoes were flourishing but I can’t spell it, and it’s not true, there are a few dotted about, one the size and weight of a cricket ball that shows promise. We’re on cucumber number three; the melon plant has been a total failure and is fast running out of time.

Talking of time, what am I going to fill my winter evenings with whilst the garden is dormant you’re thinking (come on, make an effort) well, after much mind searching (it was a short search) I’ve decided to add a new section to the Can I Eat It web site, this time I shall be looking at Chocolate, not growing it, eating it, every bar I can find, all in the name of research of course. Watch out for the launch around October time.

Look for the link near the foot of the main page at www.canieatit.co.uk

Donations welcome, chocolate, not money.