Gnomeward Bound!
WELL it looks like my life as a "gnomad" has come to an end - and about time too! As much as I've enjoyed my little adventure, I've been missing my family so I was nothing short of thrilled when they got in touch after reading my blog. To think I was a stranger to the celebrity world just a few weeks ago, and now I'm the talk of the town!
My new mates at the police station have been keeping me updated on all my press coverage, and apparently my picture was even used outside the newsagent's in Barnoldswick. I'll be glad once I am gnome-ward bound for Earby though, I can't wait to tell my family all about everything that's happened, but I think my human mum might have a few things to say about my girlfriend Hotlips who's been the subject of much controversy.
People think she's a bit racy but she keeps me young!
My only worry is what kind of state my garden will be in on my return. The family do try their best with it, but it's me that does all the hard work around there. I'll have a big job on my hands, and after reaching the dizzy heights with my appearance in the Barnoldswick and Earby Times I'm not even sure I can return to a world of manual labour. The coppers tell me I'm being a bit of a diva when I say this though, they seem to think it'll be back to earth with a bang once I get home and get on with my chores. I've got to wait a while until I can get back though because the police still need my help as the prime witness in the case.
Anyway, thanks to everyone who's been following my adventures and passing on their wishes for me to get home soon - as we all know there really is no place like gn'ome!
Published Date:
27/02/2007
Modified Date:
27/02/2007
Does gnome-one want me?
Woe, woe is me ... a gnome is for life, not just the summer bedding season.
If someone doesn't claim me soon I'll be calling the Samaritans - there's only so much police-issue tea and toast a gnome can stand.
Published Date:
23/02/2007
Modified Date:
23/02/2007
More songs for Billy ...
Are you gnomesome tonight
Gnome more heroes
Gnome more Mr Nice Guy
Gnome more the fool
Gnome sleep til Brooklyn - Beastie Boys
Gnome woman, gnome cry (my favourite!)
In the gnome of love (another fave)
From a well-wisher
Published Date:
22/02/2007
Modified Date:
22/02/2007
Gnomeland rallies to Billy's cause
Gnomeland has got wind of Billy Gnome-Mates predicament and many there are following his progress ... here's a message of support he's received
"Perhaps Billy Gnome-Mates will escape from custody and have some adventures.
"Let him know that his girlfriend - Hotlips - is pining for him and can't wait to see him again!
"Best wishes and long may his adventures continue.
Maggie
Gnomeland
Published Date:
22/02/2007
Modified Date:
22/02/2007
Gnomeland calling ....update
Hello, it's me again. Well, not too long now until the Barnoldswick and Earby Times comes out with my picture in it. Hopefully someone will recognise me and then come and collect me from Barlick Police Station.
It's quite nice here and they're treating me well, but I can't wait to get back to my garden.
In the meantime I've been passing time by thinking of my favourite songs. Here, I'll share them with you ...
Gnomeward Bound - Simon and Garfunkel
Gnome More Lonely Nights - Paul McCartney
Sweet Gnome Alabama -Lynyrd Skynyrd
Take The Long Way Gnome - Supertramp
Gnome Matter What - Badfinger
Take Me Gnome - Phil Collins
And, of course ...
The Laughing Gnome - David Bowie
Yours, Billy Gnome-Mates
Published Date:
22/02/2007
Modified Date:
22/02/2007
Gnomeland calling
Well, here I am in Barlick police station. When they asked me if I fancied doing a spot of blogging they were met with a stoney silence on my part - I didn't think I was up to it at my age - but after a quick explanation I decided it might be a bit of fun. After all, the gnome population is largely ignored by the media so it's about time one of us spoke up.
All in all it's been an eventful few weeks for me - usually I tend to spend my days pottering around the garden watering the plants, so it's a bit of a change to be in police custody! But once the initial excitement died down I realised it's quite lonely in here - I haven't made any friends yet because most of the humans I've met so far seem more interested in criminals than chrysanthemums, but I always stay positive and keep a smile on my face.
A few people have mistaken me for some kind of common criminal - that's what you get for minding your own business and putting on a brave face!
I must admit I am missing my owner. They keep telling me that once my picture gets into the Barnoldswick and Earby Times everyone will want to take me home to keep them company and spruce up their gardens, but I am hoping I won't have to be adopted by someone else ... at my age it would just be a bit too much. I've become set in my ways and I don't really like change.
Having said that, it will be exciting to be recognised - they say people might even want my autograph, but my hands are ever so stiff from lugging my watering can around so I'm not sure I'll manage it.
Anyway, keep an eye out for me in the paper, and if anyone sees my owners, tell them where I am before this gnome really does end up without a home!
Yours, Billy Gnome-Mates
Published Date:
22/02/2007
Modified Date:
22/02/2007