I came back to the field after Eid determined to be positive.

I had got caught up in the general negativity I was surrounded by and started to wonder if I could ever do the things expected of me.

So my new attitude was going to help me get the construction finished, get the communities mobilised to do some work for themselves and start planning for next year. It didn’t last long.

This morning I gained a little perspective on things.

We are caring for a very sick and malnourished child in the clinic and we don’t expect him to outlive the day.

I was struck once more by the futility of death in war.

What it has helped me to understand is that I am not working in isolation. The things I do, professionally and personally, have an impact on the lives around me.

It helped me to understand that what I am seeing as a construction project is actually something designed to reduce disease and therefore malnutrition and therefore there will be less children like the one I saw today.

So my determined positivity – forcing myself to accomplish things – is transforming into a quiet resolve to change lives. The result may be the same but maybe I am less likely to burn out on the journey.

Ramadan started a few days ago in Sudan.

I understand it is slightly different in different countries but that’s all I know. In fact Darfur doesn’t use the same dates as the capital, Khartoum.

Being Christian no one expects me to fast. The cooks even make lunch if you ask for it.

But all my staff are fasting and I thought it important to understand a little of what they are experiencing so I would treat them fairly in my expectations. I am not so strict though and do take water as this heat might actually kill me!

Apart from understanding my staff I also thought there is an important lesson here in understanding the people we work with that have no food.

Thanks to the work of Tearfund everyone has some access to water here but food is still scarce.

When the stomach pains of hunger strike I am acutely aware that I am doing this out of choice and not because I cannot buy any food or because my crops have been destroyed by people trying to harm me.

Peace in this region is still elusive and until then people will go without. Thankfully my “going without” will last only a few days. How lucky I am.

I am so tired today that it is not so easy to think of things to tell you about. 

The heavy rains are making even the smallest tasks a challenge, and yet on the other hand the water is needed in this desert land.  It is still hot though which can be a stifling combination.

We are about to begin some big construction projects. 

As many of the displaced people have nothing they find washing without even a bucket a challenge. 

We are going to construct some laundry facilities that should benefit around 16,000 women.  It’s a big task and often forgotten about but important nonetheless. 

And we begin construction of slaughter yards next week that should benefit the whole community.  I think all this planning is what is making me so exhausted!

I have recently had a break from Darfur for a couple of weeks.  It’s important to get away to get some perspective on what you’re doing. 

I went to Kenya and even that was a dramatic contrast.  It is not right that people should be living in so much poverty and in fear for their lives. 

We have some important visitors coming from the UK next week; it is good to know Darfur hasn’t been forgotten about and that even busy policy-makers are committed enough to take the time to visit.

We at Tearfund have spent the last month distributing jerry cans to all our beneficiaries.  And not just a few jerry cans, 25,000 of them in total. 

I know that new, clean jerry cans are an important part of ensuring people can transport clean water but I never want to see another jerry can again, ever. 

We also had the privilege of delivering 800 emergency kits to newly displaced and particularly vulnerable people.  We gave them blankets, plastic sheets and sleeping mats.  I think it will have a big impact on some people's lives.

I am also learning that getting anything done here takes a lot of time and patience.  It is not that there is a lack of will but just that they are used to taking much more time over things than we might at home. 

And sometimes this is for the better. 

For instance, if you are meeting with one of the community leaders at least 2 or 3 minutes is taken up by just saying hello.  The same words are repeated over and over. 

Then you would be expected to take tea or water and generally chat about how things are before you would ever consider mentioning business.  A

nd if you are passing someone’s home it was cause great offence if you didn’t drop by for more tea. 

So you can imagine how challenging actually getting to do any work might be.  But perhaps something is lost in our culture by not taking time.

This week I held a workshop for 10 of my water and sanitation staff. 

For some the chance of flying on a helicopter to our base station was the main attraction but for most they were just excited to learn more. 

Capacity building seems an easy thing to do in Darfur as people are just so keen to learn.  Perhaps this stems from the limited educational background that much of my team have; there just aren’t the same opportunities open to them as there were for me back in the UK.

My team are all quite competent technically so instead we learnt about health and safety and wider issues like the environment, sustainability and gender sensitivity. 

Many of these issues we are quite familiar with back home, the media is always keeping us informed of how we can better protect our environment for example. 

But it seemed that these issues were quite new to my team and I am glad I took the time away from just building new infrastructure to invest in such enthusiastic students!

The purpose of all this of course is to do myself out of a job.  By the time I leave Darfur I want them to know as much as I can share with them.  That is the only true way of making this programme sustainable.

It has been a couple of weeks since I posted something but I have been sick.  I got malaria. 

But then all my colleagues tell me you are not a real aid worker until you have had malaria so maybe I have just graduated.

So being sick has given me plenty of time to think about health care here. 

I visited a couple of clinics and hospitals and what I saw was shocking.  Things are as clean as they can be but when your equipment is worn out and building quite tatty it must be hard to make things really hygienic.

But at least I am in a large town where they have health care. 

Many villages have a visiting doctor only once every few months if they are lucky.  And with a poor supply of drugs it is no wonder mortality rates are so high.

I’m not sure what the answer is but I am getting better so I can only hope that the people I saw at the hospital are doing likewise.