CO-OP YOU ARE NOT GOD!

Recently, I went into the Co-op in Belper, to purchase cigarettes from their tobacco kiosk.

I usually have 2 brands. Regular, and Menthol.

I was refused service first by the tobacco kiosk assistant, and then by the co-op Manager.

I am 40 years old. The problem was no my I.D.

It was the fact that my 16 year old daughter was with me, and she had no I.D.

WHY would she need it, you may wonder when she was not buying anything. Well the truth of the matter has left me outraged, and insulted and I shall never put another penny in their hands.

I was informed by the kiosk assistant, that my daughter needed I.D for them to sell ME cigarettes, because I had chosen to purchase 2 different brands to smoke.

I explained that both were for me, but she simply would not listen, and at this point, I asked to speak to the manager.

It was then explained to me, that the kiosk assistant could refuse any person at their own discretion, if they thought that items were being bought for someone else. Someone under the legal age.

I asked the Manager what it was about ME, that had let the kiosk assistant to suspect this. They simply said, don’t take it personally.

How the hell else am I supposed to take it. Even after I explained I was with my daughter, they still stood with slanty suspecting eyes, judging me while shaking their heads.

SO CO-OP. I want to say to you. You are stupid fools. I was not, and never HAVE purchased anything like that for anyone underage. I find your accusation insulting beyond words, and I shall never shop in your over priced dirty store again.

Who the hell do you think you are to judge me? I am a well-dressed, professional and I find your attitude to me on that day, disgusting.

So CO-OP. Stick your cigarettes where the sun don’t shine. GOD gave me a gift. That gift was FREEDOM OF CHOICE. Who the hell do you think you are, taking that away?

Does your new policy cover sales of alcohol too? I can just imagine you refusing all the people who buy a bottle of wine a week, one white, one red. Just in case it’s for their kids.

You are pathetic whiners, and I really despise you for your stupid rules.

You have lost my custom, and that of every person I know.

Fools. Tut.

ALL IS FORGIVEN.   I SUCKED UP TO THE DOOR MAN, THE MANAGER AND THE BAR STAFF AND THEY LET ME BACK IN.  LAST FRIDAY, I HAD THE BEST NIGHT OUT EVER!!!!

THIS FRIDAY, WATCH OUT.  I HAVE BEEN PRACTICING MY MOONWALK.  HACKETTS HERE I COME AND I CANT WAIT.

I LOVE HACKETTS.  YAY.  FRRAAPP.

I recently entered a local competition. Life thru a lens, run by Spec Savers.  The title of the competition was to take photos, to capture the ESSENCE of Belper.

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CHANCE TO AMATUER PHOTOGRAPHERS TO SHOW THEIR WORK, AND MAYBE BE LUCKY ENOUGH TO WIN THE VERY HONOURABLE TITLE OF BELPER PHOTOGRAPHER OF THE YEAR.

I was lucky enough to come in at 2nd place with my photo. 
Now, my gripe is this and I swear, I am not being a sore loser, because I didnt lose. I won a £200 Digital camera.

The winner, who got a £500 Camera, and I, appeared in our local paper, the Belper News.
He was obviously interviewed, being so good and all that.  He said in his little write up, that he had been a member of the Belper Digital photography/Camera Club for the past 22 YEARS!!!

22 YEARS!!! HOW HOW HOW CAN THIS GUY, BE CLASSED AS AN AMATURE!!!
22 GOD DARN YEARS....

OK. sorry. I can't say it without shouting, and grinding my teeth.  Don't get me wrong, to come second to such a twit, is good for me. BUT if he had not been in the competition I would have come first, and I would have got the title that i worked so hard for to get.

When he was handed the lovely £500 camera, he said in a monotone voice, hmm, another TOY for me to play with.

That made me want to slap his smug face a million different ways.  TOY!!!!   I should imagine he already has a lovely camera and the one he won has probably already been sold on e-bay.

He was NOT EVEN FROM BELPER

So, who thinks I am just a bad sport, and who thinks I have some justification in writing about this.

I FEEL CHEATED... SOB.  

CHEATED YOU HEAR....

perhaps he works for spec savers, and the camera has already been returned to the shop, and the refund has been handed over.  Imagine that!!!

I SEE DUMB PEOPLE

I SEE DUMB PEOPLE
Part 2

By Donna Darko

This has to be the DUMBEST thing, anyone has ever said to me. When I was 21, I went out with a guy who was a STAFF SERGANT for the British Army.

I had a boyfriend who was a 20-WATT BULB. I called him a BULB because he was not very bright.

During an argument, he said to me,” It’s not fair. You see much more of me that I ever get to see of you”

My mouth dropped open.

What the ****… Did he imagine, that I stood outside windows watching him while hiding behind a bush or something!! What a DUMB SHMUCK.

The relationship did not last long. When I told him it was over, he asked me why. I told him, well honey, I am so miserable without, its almost like having you here.

You know what he said. He said, “THANKS”, and he meant it. He took it as a compliment.

DUMB DUMB DUMB…

I SEE DUMB PEOPLE

I SEE DUMB PEOPLE
Part 1
By Donna Darko

I want a T-shirt that reads, “ I see Dumb People. They are everywhere. They don’t even know they are dumb”

It is beyond me how some people survive the day and no, I am not trying to be funny.

I first realised I had a loathing for “Dumb” people, back in 1990.

I have to admit; I had not noticed it before then. Perhaps I was too busy being a teenager, to busy to notice.

The first really DUMB person I met, was when I was in the army. I was doing a training exercise with the W.R.A.C’s For those who are dumb, that means Women Royal Army Corps, and its nothing to do with being dead!

We were learning the joys of abseiling down a vertical drop.

As the girls pulled the safety helmets, one girl, I will always remember her DUMB face, was puffing and panting, struggling with her helmet.

Her puffing was really getting on my nerves. So I asked her what was wrong. She said, “ There is something wrong with the straps on this helmet”. I looked at her with a blank expression, and it hit me then. DUMB PERSON.

The black straps which usually go over the ears, were positioned over her eyes. And she was trying to do the strap up at the back of her head, instead of under her chin. She had the helmet on, back to front.

I told her to turn the helmet around because she had put it on back to front.

HOW DUMB CAN A PERSON BE!!!…

DUMB DUMB DUMB….

PUG LOVE

By Donna Darko

LadyBlaBla
©Protected

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For 12 years Id endured it

But that night I lost control

It all happened so quickly

And now I am on parole

I got in bed like always

Gave the obligatory kiss

The clock and I, began to count

The golden silence such bliss.

My mind began to drift away

The ticking fading fast

When with rude aggressive sharpness

It started like a blast

My eyelids opened in a flash

My pupils shrink to dots

My teeth began to grind and chew

My stomach churned in knots

I dug my heel into his thigh

This sometimes did the trick

He did not more than fart and sigh

A smell rose deep and thick

It was more than I could handle

This proved his disrespect

I took the knife from out my pants

And started to dissect.

I stabbed him in the buttocks first,

I couldn’t help but laugh

A high-pitched scream escaped his lips

Unleashed now was my wrath

After all the years of silence

I said, “How dare you snore and fart”

He said, “For god’s sake it wasn’t me”

Then I stabbed him in the heart.

I sat there shocked in silence

But relieved that never more

Would I lay there in the darkness?

And have to hear my husband snore

I almost died of fright then

I froze with fear and dread

I heard the snore start up again

From underneath the bed.

I held my breath and listened

Hands trembling at the thought

That he was back to get me

Between two worlds his spirit caught

I reached out for the flashlight

Shone it down on to the rug

And who should be there snoring loud

My darling little pug

I screamed and laugh so loudly

And cuddled her so hard

I threw her in the air and cried

“You naughty lump of lard”

Her little curly tail

Swished so fast from left to right

She licked my face and snuggled me

And made the world seem right.

We drifted off to sleep then

I felt comfort to the core

I loved to lie in bed with pug

And listen to her snore.

AFTER BIRTH

By Donna Darko

LadyBlaBla
Copyright Protected

For sure, this must be heaven

As before me dressed in white

Stood beings from another world

Like angels bathed in light

I look for feathery soft white wings

A halo, and a harp

But all I see is skin and bone

And instruments so sharp

Oh no, oh please, say it’s not true

This is not heavens gate

Iv fallen into Hell itself

I’d repent, but it’s too late.

Their giant hands are mauling me

They rub my limbs as well

They hang me upside down

They slap my bottom until I yell.

They wrap me in a blanket

Pin my arms down really tight

They pass me to and alien

Who squeezed me through the night?

Its hair was wet its cheeks were red

Its eyes dripped salty stuff

I had no choice but to lay still

Until it had had enough

Just as I thought it can’t get worse

It did, It’s true, no bull!

It made me suck its hanging skin

Which made my tummy full.

This ritual went on and on

A week or two had passed

Then music to my ears, I hear

You’re going home. At Last.

I didn’t know that ‘home’ to them

Was a place called “Big wide world”?

And not the cosy warm place

Where I used to lie, safely curled.

I knew deep down there must be

A good reason why ‘I’m here’

I heard ‘Da-Da’ thing when it went close

And spoke in ‘Ma-Ma’ things ear.

It seems I have a journey now

I must find the path called ‘STRIFE’!

Once I get on that I’ll be on track

To find the place called ‘LIFE’.

BIRTH

By Donna Darko

LadyBlaBla
Copyright protected

Don’t ask how it all began, I really couldn’t say

Forever I was nothing, I just appeared one day.

Its not like I had planned it, I came so ill prepared

I just floated in the darkness trying hard not to be scared.

I don’t know how I managed it; it must have just been luck

But as I floated in the dark I grew a thumb to suck

Then pretty soon my stumpy lumps began to stretch and bend.

A pair of legs now in their place, with toes stuck on the end.

With things going so swimmingly, I had not seen the change

But things around me seemed to move and now felt pretty strange

The lovely warm and cosy place was shrinking by the day

I decided it was time to make a plan to move away

So fast the walls closed in now, this time it was clear

If I were to survive id have to swim right through my fear

I kicked my legs and thrashed my arms and fought with all my might

I swam down the crushing tunnel; instinct said, go towards the light.

So tired now, I can’t go on, my chest so tight, lips blue

A sudden gush, a landslide, forced me down and pushed me through.

Silence now, so eerie, the beating drums subside

Cold metal cutting me in half, I took first breath and died.