At 5.30am my radio alarm wakes me to the sounds of Radio 4 and after a prayer and the weather it's on to the farming programme, which is nothing of the sort these days, and then an hour of the Today programme.
As I drift in and out of slumberland I often wonder if I was dreaming of if what I just heard was in fact real.
For months I have been meaning to record the bizarre and ridiculous pronouncements in a diary but now I am going to share them with you and hopefully some of you will reassure me that it is not just me that wonders if every day is April 1.
Today's gem was a five minute report which said researchers had revealed results of work which suggested women who ate badly during pregnancy i.e. junk food were likely to have babies with a taste for junk food and problems as children.
The research was done on rats and the expert said that although they didn't normally hang much around results from rat experiments on this occasion it had a ring of truth because there was already human evidence to back it up.
So what we are saying is that we have already sussed that women who don't have a good diet while pregnant are risking the health of their child but just to make sure we tested the theory out by force feeding pregnant rats junk food and yep you've guessed it the majority of the baby rats then born in the lab chose burgers over salad when given the choice. Do they think we were born yesterday?
I have been working in the Ripley office this week and thanks to Keith Staley, a Ripley author, former miner and a regular visitor to the office, I actually got to read Littlejohn in the Daily Mail which is not something I would normally do. Mr Staley felt Littlejohn was a man after his own heart and wanted me to read his weekly rant. And I have to say I found myself right behind my paper's regular reader and the columnist.
Apparently council officials in Gateshead have spent £2,000 on replacing salt shakers at fish and chip shops which have more than five holes. Their aim is to cut down on the amount of salt shaken onto a chip supper and therefore save the taxpayers billions on the health service.
What they hadn't accounted for was punters just shaking a little longer to get the desired level of salt on their food. I suspect they will have to resort to CCTV next to the condiments and fines for anyone shaking to excess.