OK, I'm going to try for some sympathy here because goodness knows I'm not getting any in the office.

I have a cold. (Did I hear 'Ah's'?) But, as any woman will tell you, being a man this isn't just any cold. Really. I feel like a walking ball of mucus and keep getting odd looks as people walk past me and detect a strong whiff of Lemsip and Vicks.

I know it could be worse, but if I can't have a moan on a blog where nobody could care less what I have to say anyway where can I moan?

Fortunately such piffling ailments do nothing to deter journalists at the Bexhill Observer from bringing you the news. (Although sneezing over the monitor does make writing blogs a good deal harder. It caught me on the hop even with the tissues on standby!)

Having painted that very attractive picture I suppose I could tell you some news.

Watched with slightly nervous interest as the bomb disposal service got rid of a hand grenade found near the station on Monday. Apparently they get dug up all the time. Not sure how people managed to lose so many during the war years. I mean, if battles were fought here then fair enough, but in England?

You can imagine the scene in the summer of 1943 as two soldiers walked through Bexhill. I think I'll call them Dave and Charles.

Soldier Charles: "Oh, shoot. Dave! Dave old chap, I've gone and lost another bally hand grenade. Must have dropped off my belt."
Soldier Dave: "What, again? Well where did you last have it Charles?"
Charles: "Erm, I'm not sure. And that's the third one this week as well. Can't see it in the road. I do hope it hasn't fallen down the back of the sofa again."
Dave: "Well these things happen. Sure those kids will hand it in again. Not seen them for a while mind you."

Joking aside, it's good to know there are trained experts out there who risk themselves for our safety.

On a much more serious military note, remembrance services were well attended in Bexhill and Little Common at the weekend. Good to see, I think you will agree. Especially the number of young people turning out.

I DON'T know what to tell you.

As you can guess, the topic of the moment involves our MP but I'm not going into that here. You have probably read enough about it already.

So I suppose I could thrill you with another slice of office life.

Of course the great thing about this medium is you have no idea if I'm being sarcastic or not when I say things like that!

More battles with the IT system I'm afraid. Some of the swearing when the system turns itself off for ten minute intervals is really quite inventive.

Obviously I'm not going to repeat it, but there are certain members of the office who really are very good at turning the air blue. That said, I'm probably one of them. And most of the time there's only three of us, so the number of suspects is somewhat limited.

Fear not though, we struggle on to bring you the Bexhill Observer. In fact, this week wasn't a struggle at all - young Mr Elms informed me on Wednesday afternoon he was awash with copy.

So, despite its reputation, Bexhill is a news hot-bed - don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

Some of you may know I really dislike having my picture in the paper. This isn't a vanity thing, I would like to think I'm just (very) average looking (any messages disagreeing in a negative fashion will be removed!) but I some how manage to look like a total plonker whenever my mug appears on page.  OK then, it is a vanity thing.

A special mention therefore to our much-missed photographer whose last task before moving was to picture me looking like a complete fool.

Coming up in the Little Common Extra will be a photo of me peering at a road map with a county councillor while demonstrating full-on 'tea pot' pose. I have no idea why. I just naturally seem to throw these odd body shapes when snappers are around.

I mean, that's how I look to the general public? Oh dear. Being unnaturally tall really is an affliction. Not only do you look terrible in pictures, you're forever being told you should have been a policeman or basketball player.

Miss me?

Thought not.

I have been sunning myself in the South of France you see. But don't worry, I did think of Bexhill as I sauntered through the sun-kissed streets of St Tropez and Monaco. Honest.

Same as always when you get back to the office though. Hectic.

I think it took me the best part of an hour to sift through the various e mails in my inbox. Wouldn't mind if it wasn't for the fact most of them were complete junk.

To mark my return I ended up at a Rother council meeting on Monday night.

Weird would be the best description I could give it. One councillor, who shall remain nameless, decided to place a furry mascot on the press desk before I arrived, achieving the desired effect of making me look like a University Challenge / Blockbusters contestant.

Cue various members coming out with such comic gems as, 'Do you get lonely in the night Daniel?' and 'Which one of you is making notes?' Ha.

Add to that conversations (with me, not in session!) involving Matt Munro, Elvis and various other oddities the whole thing was slightly surreal - even more so when councillors couldn't agree on the political balance of their committees, effectively leaving the council in limbo.

There followed an exchange something along the lines of: "What should we do about tomorrow's committee meeting?" "Nothing. It doesn't exist!" Mmmm.

Bexhill being quirky and the discovery that England lost the football. Yep, I'm definitely home.

OK, ok, I'm running behind with this again.

It's not like you hang on my every word anyway is it?

Besides looking at the messages it would seem most of the people who pay attention are actually guys I work with.

Thanks for the support fellas. Yes Colin, I'm still conscious.

And, as you can all see, our production editor Philip Elms has joined in with one of his tales. When are the memoirs due out Binky?
(Just kidding - although you must have been bored to be reading my blog on your day off!)

Apparently Bexhill features prominently in the movie 'Children of Men' which has just been released.
Set in a grim future the town is - wait for it - a violent internment camp used for housing illegal immigrants.
I'm told it contains the line, "I've seen people fight to get out of Bexhill but never to get in." Or words to that effect. Brilliant.

I'm intrigued as to how that one came about actually. You can't really picture the Hollywood execs sat round a table trying to work out where in Britain to place this prison city. "How about Bexhill guys?" "Er, Chad, where IS Bexhill?"

Guantanemo-on-Sea as one of my colleagues has now christened it.

Actually I'm told the movie is based on a PD James novel.

Achievers Awards on Thursday night. Good to see so many people getting the recognition they deserve. The
efforts of many long-suffering colleagues went into it, so I was glad to see it all went smoothly.
Should be stacks of good pictures filling up the paper anyway. (Which means less for me to write, so it's win win.)

In fact work has been tough this week. How am I meant to keep my mind on the job when Sussex are busy cinching the county championship and the Ryder Cup is going on?

The sacrifices I make to bring you lot the news.

And to answer your question Mr or Mrs StOlaves I'm actually encouraged to do this every so often as part of my work. Spare time in the office is something of an alien concept.

I am so tired.

So much so I almost fell asleep at my desk this lunch time. I say almost because I don't think I dropped off, but it's difficult to be sure in such situations. Certainly there was no drool on my chin, so that indicates I was fully with it even if I did close my eyes for a few minutes.

The reason for my exhaustion dear reader? Well, I put it down to the ridiculously hot and stormy nights making it impossible to sleep (because of the humidity - I'm not scared of thunder or anything. Well, maybe just a little) and the fact I have been rather busy.

'Why have you been busy Dan?' I hear you cry (I like to delude myself into thinking you have that level of interest.) Lots of late breaking stuff to squeeze into this week's paper is the answer. Not least the flooding which struck the town leaving cars stranded and schools closed. Find out more in this week's Observer, just 36p and available from all good local newsagents. In fact buy two copies - it's that good.

I was at the DLWP last night watching Boris Johnson address the Tory faithful. Now I have no great political leanings either way but, despite not agreeing with some of what was said, I couldn't help but be impressed by the way in which he and MEP Daniel Hannan spoke. Mr Johnson is a most curious case - he seems to be able to make a coherent and intelligent argument while at the same time rambling in that idiosyncratic way of his -if that's at all possible. It's strange to watch. And a nightmare to make short hand notes on.

And yes, the subject of cannibalism did come up.

I was having a tidy up upstairs recently when the office had a power cut and I had little else to do while waiting for the electricity to come on. I came across this treasure trove of movie geek material. Seems we have a box full of press stuff from films of the late eighties and early nineties. Indiana Jones stickers and the like. Junk, but quite interesting junk. Although that obviously doesn't apply to the press freebies we have for the awful Stallone vehicle, 'Stop or My Mom Will Shoot!' Eerggh!

Yes, yes, I'm meant to update this once a week and I'm a day later than usual.

I've been busy, alright? Wanna make something of it?

Having read my last blog entry, it seems members of staff in the Bexhill office are becoming quite the fans. They have even started asking for mentions. Or they could be being sarcastic come to think of it.

They are rather keen on me taking extracts from the Observer quote book after mentioning it last time.
I think they must want people to know about the strange, unreal world we work in.

That said, I've looked at it and I'm not sure how many entries I'm willing to mention. Let's just say some quotes seem to sail very close to the wind. (And, needless to say, involve our illustrious deputy editor - I would like to keep my job.)

Anyway, for the benefit of Mrs Miller more than anybody else, here is a brief selection of printable efforts.

*From a talk at a local primary school.
Q "And why do we have the Talking Newspaper on tape?"
A "You can't be bothered to write it?"

Q "And what are the qualities you need to be a journalist?"
A "You need to be really intelligent." (No arguments there)

* Rother document detailing building plans
"Phases two and three are to proceed following the completion of phase one." Really?

*Cast interview for a local pantomime
Performer: "The costumes are nice but I do have to make four or five changes a show."
Interviewer: "And I bet after two-and-a-half hours you can't wait to get your kit off ..."
(I assure you the reporter concerned wasn't thinking about anything in particular at the time and it was an innocent slip. At least that's what a friend told me. A friend of a friend in fact.)

That's all you are getting though.

On newsy issues the topic of the moment seems to be plans for the Gullivers Bowls Club. Let us know where you stand; letters to the editor, emails, message board and internet polls etc. We have the technology.

Lots of old IT equipment has just been removed from our upstairs office. Usual sort of thing, 20-year-old computers the size of a former Soviet states (in fact probably larger than some of the countries featured in England's European Championship group. And, being inanimate, better at football). Only mention it because our inputter, Helen, has introduced me to a great new word for junk. 'Toote'. I think the 'e' is necessary to stop it sounding like a car horn. Always been a 'bumph' man myself, but it's good nonetheless.

I should stop now, I'm rambling ...

PS To answer a previous comment, those responsible should be updating the site with carnival pictures soon.

It has been reasonably busy at the office but I'm not so sure there is anything original and fascinating to tell you.

But then very few of my ramblings are ever original or fascinating anyway, so why spoil the habit of a lifetime?

Actually I considered giving you a few entries from the Bexhill Observer's own quote book, a tome dedicated to the verbal and written faux pas of Bex Obs life, but having scanned through I think most of them are best left on the page. Some people may be very unhappy if I was to give them a public airing.

Got soaked to the skin on GCSE results day. It was raining so hard I thought my head might bleed as I got out of the car in the St Richard's Catholic College car park. I find it difficult to command respect from 16 - year - olds at the best of times, it's even worse when I look like a drowned rat.

Actually they were all very polite and enthusiastic and - in a change from the reluctance of some older Bexhilians - wanted their pictures taken, which makes life so much easier. So in my eyes at least they deserve their excellent results - even if going to cover such things every year makes me feel very, very old.

(The huge numbers of grey hairs I have would back this up. Actually what do people suggest - let my very dark locks go grey gracefully or crack open the Just For Men in my mid - twenties? Seriously, it's concerning. I've not got the George Clooney looks to fall back on here people. Anybody remember that little grey quiffy bit Scott Backula had in his hair in Quantum Leap? Probably not, unless early - nineties cult TV was your thing, but it's not a look I want to keep.)

Looking forward to the Jour de Fete at the De La Warr Pavilion this weekend. As I'm working I would assume it's going to rain, but stranger things have happened. Actually, being a bit of a cricket bore, I have to develop a cunning plan in order to listen to Sussex in the C&G final and cover weekend events. If you see a bloke at the pavilion with a notepad and headphones who is prone to releasing expletives about expensive overs every so often, go easy on him.

You should see me when things clash with football ...

Has it been a week already?

Well, no actually. I'm writing this on a Wednesday evening rather than on Thursday because I expect to be in a Rother planning meeting until early on Thursday afternoon.

The fact I have time to update the blog on a Wednesday evening at 4.30pm should give you a clue things aren't much busier than they were last week. Picking up slowly though and as usual some good stuff to be found in the paper (I would say that wouldn't I?) not least disturbing news about the attacks on foreign students in the town.

You will notice I have had one comment posted on last week's blog. I'm staggered at the popularity of my ramblings people (or person, as I suspect). Anyway, to answer your question 'Beatrice', I'm afraid I don't keep that sort of company, although if it pays well I may consider applying myself. (Anybody wondering what I'm talking about will have to read the sign in the old off licence window in Sackville Road).

A quick plug for the Bexhill Achievers Awards. The first time we have done anything like this so if you would like to nominate anyone for one of the 14 categories get in touch with the paper. Obviously if you're reading this in Kenya, somewhere else exotic or even Coventry, that request is sort of redundant, but I'm taking a guess most people here will have Bexhill links.

Sadly we are not running a journalist of the year section as part of the awards because we all know it would be a foregone conclusion. And frankly the embarrassment of having to turn up and collect it every 12 months would just be too much.

Interesting story I have just finished about some folks in Little Common growing bananas in their back garden. I'm told with the right conditions some varieties do grow in the UK, but nevertheless I figured it was quite quirky. However, our gardening expert Harry Hamilton informed me eating them would be a very unwise thing to do. I think the growers know that. At least I hope they do.

See, that's three news bits I've mentioned so far. Getting better aren't I?

Discovered an interesting turn of phrase this week that I'm sure has been doing the rounds in Bexhill for generations, I just didn't know about it. In a bid to avoid some really annoying roadworks in Sidley I decided to use the road north across Bexhill Down. Or 'up the Down' as it came out.

Well I liked it. Simple things ...