Heading to an appointment up north I headed out into rain drenched England, the news said it was going to be bad the day before so I decided to leave earlier to avoid the inevitable jams and crashes.

Oh how I was proven right!

The surface spay and standing water in the full darkness of early morning made driving conditions very bad. I personally would have preferred it to have been heavy snow than this as at least you can see snow.

There are three driving responses to weather like today,

1. Drive dangerously slowly, so slow in fact that tractors and stream rollers would have to overtake you. But they can’t do so because, you drive as if you are drunk, weave across all lanes to avoid hitting any puddles regardless of other traffic.
2. Go faster, its only water, exploit everyone’s slowness in category 1 and get to work faster. In fact the spray on the windows, the pull of steering wheel when you hit puddles at 80mph and the virtually no existent visibility only makes the journey more fun.
3. Keep a safe distance from the car in front, mind your speed, prepare for the unexpected huge puddle ahead and avoid drivers in category 1 & 2. Keep calm, be patient and pray to your god that you live to see your children again.

Sadly I can honestly say that category 3 is the minority on all roads leading to the motorway and when on the motorway, most of category 3 metamorphosis into a new category

4. I am in the middle lane, I am doing the speed limit, I move for no one, its my lane and I am keeping it for my self. Ok the inside lane is free for eight miles ahead but that’s where category 1 people go, there are puddles other there as well from the big lorries. I am not unreasonable, the fast lane is free for category 2’s to go as fast as they like and they can go kill themselves as long as it does not disrupt my middle lane driving.

Personally I honestly despise this category more than the others, they are the true cause of more accidents on the motorways than any other driving type because they get in the way of category 1 & 2. People who drive fast expect the slow drivers; they have to get past trucks and coaches all the time. Slow drivers expect to see the BMW Death wish Incorporated Sales reps as this is there domain and the majority of category 1 keep well away from the fast lane, only going out in the middle to get round the occasional caravan (don’t even go there). No category 4 are the worse type of all as they block all possible manoeuvrability of the other lanes because it makes them feel safe or they are worried about being blocked in if they pull other and get stuck by other category 4’s when the next truck caught up with.

The sad thing it that category 4 is the majority on the roads, they drive all types of vehicles and they come in all ages with only the middle lane as the common link apart from the fact that they are always the so called victims in accidents.

I sadly witnessed such a near miss today, caused in my view by category 4’s but created by a category 1&2 being forced together.

A truck was in lane one about a mile and a half ahead on a straight part of motorway, visibility ok and the rain and spray was not that bad. Lane two was packed into the distance comprising of evenly spaced cars all category 1 & 4’s). I was in lane 1 after merging onto the motorway and finding it impossible to go anywhere but with the flow of traffic. I felt the urge to put my foot down as the road ahead was clear but hating people who undertake myself I resisted the temptation. The fast lane was not so fast today, full of category 2’s danger close to each other trying to get ahead of the next in line by what ever means necessary. Brake lights flashed Christmas and instead of getting ahead faster they were going slower.

Then the inevitable happened, BMW death wish rep, cuts into lane 2 and undertakes three cars in lane 3, he saw the other lane going faster and exploited it. Its in his nature he is category 1.

Next SAAB death wish rep, takes offence at being under took and cuts in as well. Brake lights in lanes 2 & 3 are all on now as the category 4 guy beside me waves his arms around at the inconvenience of having to brake and share his lane with anyone.

It was then that the third category 2 switched lanes, I will call him hothatch.com for obvious reasons. Hothatch.com had a better plan, everyone was bunched into the two other lanes because of the category 4’s. He wanted to undertake the lot by coming into lane 1 and embracing the urge I fought so hard to resist.

I started braking, it was like I had a second sense or something today, maybe it was the kindness lf the driver yesterday or maybe it was just such a common sight that I knew it would happen.

SAAB death wish rep, pulled in after hothatch.com as soon as he went past. BMW was too late to do the same but it did not matter anyway because the category 4’s went into action. It was like a sudden wave as four of five category 4’s cut into lane 1 to block off the undertaking reps. Not one of the category 4’s indicated and all in my opinion did so out of vengeance and not because they ever had any intention of pulling in to let others pass. They did it to stop anyone disrespecting them by undertaking, but if they had not have been in the middle lane in the first place then there would not be a mile and a half of empty lane to undertake in. The accident cam when a category 1 car panicked and swerved out of lane two and into lane three when the BMW, SAAB & Hot hatch cut back into lane two to get road the category 4’s who had swerved in front of them respectively. I lost track of who was going where but a second later debris was flying everywhere, thankfully I do not think it was serious as everyone was already breaking. I was fortunately to be in lane one and so passed the scene before there was a huge jam, but I did see that a Death wish Audi had slammed into the back of the category 1.

Who caused the accident

• The weather conditions?
• The large amount of traffic?
• Category 1 for switching lanes in a panic?
• Category 2 for driving into him and not keeping a safe distance?
• The category 2’s for switching lanes and trying to get ahead of each other?

• Or was the category 4’s, who refused to lower themselves by going into lane 1 and in doing so opened a huge temptation to category 2’s. or was it in fact the dangerous pride they showed trying to block the undertaking cars causing everyone to brake and swerve?

Some would say it was a combination of all of them and an example of bad driving on Britons roads.

Rubbish, that would be the view of a category 4’s who hate being undertaken all the time and complain about everyone driving so fast.

I believe that if we all remember that the lanes of a motorway are not slow, middle or fast. They are in fact lane 1, lane 2 (overtaking) & lane 3 overtaking overtaking). Lane 2 is not the comfortable conduit for everyone to hover in because they are sensible to keep to the speed limit or they might have to overtake in three miles time.

Please just pull over after you have passed the slow truck and pull out again when it is safe to do so. Sorry but you might have to break if it is not safe and other are overtaking you.

If you are worried about getting somewhere on time, leave earlier on your jorney, this also goes out to all you hot head drivers who get irritated that people are in your way. Lastly if your frightened by the speed of others, weather conditions like rain and puddles; for the love of god don’t drive on the roads and take the train.

Nothing bad happened and I was surprised to see that something good occurred instead. It really is funny how I set up this blog thinking it would just be filled with my anger about other drivers and my first real entry is positive.

Heading on B road on the way to A24 and saw car ahead had stopped to allow cars to come through where parked cars where blocking carriage way. As I go near the car ahead went through, with my blog in mind I flashed my lights to allow one of a queue of cars waiting to come through. Lady driver kindly waved thanks as she cleared the blockage (not as common as you would think).

Now at this point I normally get stuck because you let one through and the rest follow and in busy times like rush hour on Monday afternoon you can be waiting forever. But the second car past the blockage waited and flashed me through. I was shocked, truly I was, cars behind were flashing and beeping the driver for not exploiting my kindness and it set a positive tone to my drive home in the rain.

Note to myself for tomorrow morning, think positive and positive things will happen.

I decided that I am fed up with shouting at the idiots on the road, never being able to say thanks to the nice people and never voicing those little bright ideas I have about making the roads safer for all of us.

I am at work now in the north of our region, I will make a mental note of what i see on the way home and my return to work tomorrow.

I just hope my fellow mankind is on form or this could be the shortest blog in history.

M